I Need a Cocktail. Literal and Otherwise.

Lord.

Have.

Mercy.

I am so genuinely thankful there is not a spoon sitting on my desk at this very minute.

Why?

Because I would use it to scoop my eyes out.

Why?

Because that would be more enjoyable than the last few weeks have been for me.

UGH.

So it's not all bad- my birth mom was in town for her annual and awesome visit to Wisconsin- but oh wait? 

Did I actually get to enjoy a few weekdays with her,

as I scheduled on my calendar THREE MONTHS AGO?!?

Nope.

I. Was. At. Work.

Downside to this whole lawyer gig is it is wildly demanding, 

and when a brief calls,

nothing else quite matters.

You know, like how you used to get told by your elders when you were younger,

"When I say JUMP, you say HOW HIGH?"

It's like that.

So balls. Just balls.

Now that I have written FIVE briefs in the last 48 hours,

I shall allow myself a minute.

To pee. To breath.

To tell you about my recent bath cocktails.

And to dream of the literal cocktail I am going to consume on my drive home as soon as I get home.

I finally got around to trying one of my precious, coveted Abombinaballs.

I had read plenty about it . . .

peppermint, vanilla, orange oil.

So minty magic.

Knowing that,

I thought I would pair it with Freeze,

which is itself an antiseptic blast of menthol.

I glopped in some Big Calm,

partly because the blueish color of Big Calm seemed to blend nicely,

but I also thought the coconut and pineapple in the jelly would blend seductively with the mint and vanilla.

Yeah, I totally nailed it.

Oh, and Milky Bubble Bar?

My new favorite,

because it really doesn't smell like anything.

A complete void such as this might not sound appealing,

but it's actually quite lovely when you just want really moisturizing and fluffy bubbles that won't interfere with the scent of your bomb.

Also . . . Big Calm?

Not so calm.

More like the center of a storm.

I sold Big Calm after this cocktail.

Not because it wasn't delicious and delightful,

which it was,

but because I am honestly so incredibly lazy that I find jellies too much work.

So I sold it, and some bag who bought it accused me of selling expired, smoke-infused, "disgusting pots of crap." 

Her words not mine, of course.

It all got figured out, after I refunded her money and she kept the product,

but before all that I got kicked out of my Lush Black Market Group,

almost had a panic attack,

cried, cried some more,

incessantly texted Claire,

and almost puked.

I know that sounds extreme . . .

and well, it totally is.

But people. The world of Lush is crazy, irrational, and so extreme.

Sigh. Drama.

Moving on.

I had been waiting to use this little buddy for a while.

Kermit is known as both Leap Frog and Frog Prince.

I prefer Frog Prince, for no real good reason.

I used some Green Fun for bubbles (and because I am so obsessed with the citrusy scent of it!) and figured, the more bubbles the merrier, so I also added a little pink princess for Mr. Froggy in the form of a reusable Flamingo Bubble Wand.

Frog Prince came out a few years back as a part of Lush's Valentine's Day line.

The bomb includes both jasmine and neroli.

Knowing it might be a bit more floral than I tend to love,

the addition of the sugary-sweet Flamingo Bubble Bar worked well for me.

This was a fun bomb in the water too. 

Little Froggy Prince's bright pink pucker lips floated around the tub as the rest of his little froggy self fizzled and sputtered and dissolved in the water around me.

The water was a lovely, vibrant lime green,

and my skin was silky smooth by the time I emerged.

Towards the end of the show,

this fun little trinket floated to the surface of my bubbles.

Oh if only Kitchen Prince Peter was made to kiss me . . .

Speaking of shows,

I have not been able to bathe by myself since my luxurious getaway for work in July.

And by luxurious,

I really just mean I was by myself in a mediocre hotel room.

But I was alone. No one watching me.

No one talking to me.

No one asking me to name all of the ponies.

No one telling me my poe-poe (ie; lady parts) looked like a giant hamburger.

Yeah. That last one is totally real.

Oh the struggle is so real . . .

but my life is never dull.

For that I am thankful.

I am also thankful that some of the Oxford Exclusive products are now for sale online!!!

Of course I had to help myself.

One of the first bombs I acquired was the Skydancer.

This bomb is sold to raise funds to support and fund equipment to satellite tag endangered harrier hen chicks born in the coming years.

The bomb is a beauty to watch . . .

the blue winged bird at its center lingers long after its surrounding disappear.

I wonder if Lush meant for the bomb to be symbolically that deep.

You know, it's sold to help preserve an endangered species,

which we hope will survive despite what we do the environment surrounding these sweet little creatures.

Probably not, but I was moved.

The scent is something like licorice, with a subtle citrus undertone. 

The Lush UK website says it also contains cinnamon leaf oil,

but I didn't smell much of that.

Maybe because I paired it with Celebrate shower gel and Floating Island.

The whole bath was lovely. 

The sights. The scents. 

And even the hoard of Ponies watching me from the side of the tub.

I've Been Busy Stuffing All of My Lush Into Little Poly Bags

So the Lush addiction includes more than actual Lush product.

(my wallet screams in pain and protest)

I have recently been turned on to the phenomena of polypropylene bags.

What is this, you ask?

Fuck if I really know . . .

The chatter on the Black Market is that these "poly bags" protect your bombs, soaps, melts, etc.,

and preserve their scent so the scent doesn't evaporate or transfer to other products.

Again, word on the street is that plain Jane ziploc bags don't pass muster,

and saran wrap is like a hug from the devil.

In all actuality, I'm suspicious that these bags are just another thing to feed us junkies,

and yet I bought a mass-quantity supply of them,

so in the end I totally drank the Kool-Aid.

Oh and after the Kool-Aid settled,

I spent HOURS organizing my stash and stuffing shit into these little bags of wonder.

Since I am sure you are oh-so-intrigued and curious,

the blue bin is bubble bars;

the chevron bin is bath melts and oils;

the clear bin is soap and FUN;

the pink bins are bombs.

Clearly,

I don't have enough stuff,

 so I placed a US order and was greeted by this haul in the mail the other day . . .

I was curious about Lush makeup and my first foray into this part of the Lush world is the Perspective liquid lipstick.

The consistency is odd- almost grainy- but I enjoy the color.

And the Volcano foot mask smells a bit like wormy mud,

and doesn't look much better,

but it works wonder . . .

I especially recommend pairing it with a night in bed watching Pitch Perfect.

And an audience full of My Little Pony Equestria girls of course.

So don't let my Lush USA order lead you to believe I've abandoned the kitchen.

I have not.

Exhibit A.

I am loving, loving, loving Ice Blue shampoo,

so I stockpiled.

And Slammer?!?!

Oh my stars,

it's like a giant Strawberry margarita in a bottle.

I actually worry I may take a swig of it while showering . . .

Oh. And Supernova.

Annnnnd... Lush Lime,

which Claire kindly ordered for me last night.

There's no way I have a problem.

Although I scored this gem the other day as my subconscious has clearly accepted that I will be able to afford only Ramen noodles for my food source pretty soon if I keep this Lush looting up.

Aside from the 8,000 grams of sodium, Ramen ain't that bad, right?!?

So let the Lush continue.

I tried my first Sparkler bath the other night . . .

and after ignoring one of my partner's comments that it resembled some sort of inappropriate adult pleasure toy,

I got him to admit that the bath effects it produced were quite lovely.

And just to clear things up,

he wasn't in the tub with me.

I make everyone at work ooh and ahh at all of my pictures because the only thing better than actually living a Lush life is talking about Lush.

Incessantly.

Sparkler water was orangey-gold and full of sparkles and glitter.

Fitting, right?

The bit of a downside was the aftermath.

Holy glitter trail, Batman!

Fortunately, I didn't have to scrub much to clean this fairy dust off of my tub.

But it wouldn't rinse away with just water;

a little elbow grease was necessary.

After my Sparkler bath,

I had a hankering for all things sunny, orange and citrusy.

So I turned to my lone Yoga Bomb.

Oh the sweetness.

I acquired this bomb, which is an Oxford exclusive, from a secret Informant/Supplier who actually trekked to the Oxford store for me and then swam the English Channel to bring this bomb stateside.

Ok the part about swimming the English Channel is total crap,

but the rest is legit!

I was sooooo excited to try this bomb!

And it lived up to the hype.

Yoga release mostly mind-blowing and bright bursts of orange and gold,

but there were also subtle swirls of teal, purple and white.

It smelled slightly of citrus with a bit of sandalwood.

The entire bath was a relaxing oasis of sensual sights and pleasing aromas.

I would love to get my hands on more of these little beauties.

On a less wowing note was my bath this morning.

I combined a You've Been Mangoed melt,

which by the way was literally a melt.

My house is sans air-conditioning and it appears that bath melts don't appreciate temps nearing a hundred degrees.

Anyway, the melty melt combined with a Lil' Lush Pud bomb,

which as you may have guessed from the holly was a past Christmas bomb.

This is another Black Market acquisition,

but I snagged it because I had heard it smelled like Snowcake,

which is one of my most loved scents.

And it did. So that was a good thing.

But other than that it was quite boring.

It didn't fizz or spurt or do much of anything for long,

and the water I was left with was sort of creamy and brownish.

So the show was lame but my skin is smooth as silk right now,

so I suppose the two are a wash and leave me happy with this little bath cocktail.

Hell's Kitchen

Let's just be clear right away.

Hell's Kitchen is not the neighborhood in New York,

or that cooking show with the mean British guy.

It's the *%$^&^$&* Lush UK Kitchen last week.

My blood pressure was so wildly off the charts because of it,

and I have just now finally come to terms with my experience and failure,

and am ready to talk about it.

So yeah.

Abombinaball is this crazy rare but magical Christmas bomb,

but it made a comeback in the wish list Kitchen menu last week.

I was so pumped and just knew I had to snag some of these guys.

The scent is described as peppermint, vanilla, and orange.

And to me, that sounds like some sort of heaven.

So Claire and I made a pact that we would both get up,

her at midnight (West Coast) and me at 2 am (Midwest) to log in to the kitchen,

and we would both dump a ton of these little yeti creatures into our cart.

That way, if one of us failed, we would both still end up with the goods.

So she got 5 in her cart right away!!

ME?!?! NOT SO MUCH.

Despite being logged on promptly at 2 am, all I got was an unavailable message.

Then the f'ing site went down,

I panicked.

I got back on but couldn't figure out how to refresh,

so I panicked again and started cursing out loud.

Claire meanwhile couldn't pay but still had them in her cart.

I don't know why I kept refreshing but after about 40 minutes it said I could add to my basket.

I was so caught off guard I just said add without even changing the quantity from one.

Claire had finally gotten to pay so at least 5 were secured.

My dumbass??

I stayed up until 4 am trying to get through to the payment screen,

and finally threw in the towel.

Seriously,

I know this sounds like an epic bag of crazy,

and it totally is,

but I was clinically depressed,

sweating,

physically exhausted,

and on the verge of tears.

In fact,

I was so dejected and disillusioned that I vowed I would never subject myself to the Kitchen again.

Until 48 hours later of course when I took the Kitchen shift to get me and Claire some Supernovas.

I feel like the Lush gods knew how heavy my heart and eyelids were from my last experience that they aligned the planets and fixed the universe so my Kitchen experience would make all things in the jacked up world of bath products right again.

I logged on at 2 am,

promptly put 6 Supernovas in my basket,

clicked to pay,

and got through to the payment screen on my first try.

I was in, out, and back to bed within 3 minutes.

I am pretty sure that never happens,

unless the Lush gods know you were seriously damn close to packing up all of your Lush stash,

stuffing a car to the brink with every bath bomb, shower gel, lotion tub, or dusting powder known to man,

driving off a cliff and into a lake,

and happily ready to go out after drowning in a literal sea of Lush.

And yes,

this may be a bit dramatic, 

since after all Claire got the goods and is willing to share with me,

but until you've been to the Kitchen and failed,

like in a giant flaming ball of fire failed,

you just can't know the pain.

This is also leading me to another thought...

Anyone out there a) a Lushie and b) a treating psychologist?

Because if so, I seriously think there is a needy population you could service and make bank off.

Like enough bank to retire.

Or buy more Lush.

Either way, seems like a good plan.

Sigh.

I guess I wasn't  quite as over it as I thought.

(can you hear Celine Dion singing? It's all coming back to me now...)

In other news . . .

I tried another new-to-me bomb.

The Immaculate Eggception.

Sources tell me this giant bomb was released in 2012 as a part of the Easter line.

Seriously- it's huge.

I was a bit worried it might smash a hole through the bottom of my tub once I plunked it in.

It supposedly has a third baby egg inside it,

but I never quite saw that. 

It did smell quite nice and was very moisturizing,

but I guess for such a beast of a bomb I expected a bit more.

My water was left a very pretty pink color,

and while it fizzed and frothed it shot out little bits of yellow foam.

But the show didn't last long,

and was overall underwhelming.

I guess you're also supposed to get a bunny or a chick inside the egg,

but my egg must has been defective as I got neither.

Perhaps because I bought it on the black market,

who knows.

This is one I am glad I tried,

but I wouldn't spend money on this again.

Simplify

So a couple of things:

1) My life has been pure and total chaos on all levels lately. 

I really, desperately, badly, muchly (that last one isn't a real word, I know that) want this little Glitter Vault escape place of mine to be full of sparkles, rainbows and all things good. 

I mean, is it too much to ask to just wanna hop on my unicorn, with a rainbow tiara full of sparkles, and ride around a field of Lush scented flowers, sipping Starbucks and galloping off into the sunset? 

I think not.

So pretty much I will just repress, ignore, or fail to discuss the chaos that has been my life at work and my life at home (not because of the Tiny Human, well mostly not because of her) because then I can carry on with my sparkly happy ramblings.

But I need to at least mention the chaos because it's the reason I decided I needed a thoroughly simple bath last night.

When life fills the pages of your story with lines and lines of endless crazy,

turn the page,

take a deep breath,

 and revel in the simple nothingness of what comes next.

Or at least, in my head, that's how it works.

So back to the basics it was.

A Butterball Bath Bomb paired with the Milky Bubble Bar.

No flare, no drama, no show in the tub.

Pure simplicity.

And it was simply delightful.

Butterball is a small little bomb.

It fizzles quickly and unmemorably. 

But the point of the Butterball bomb isn't the extra flashy stuff that has made Lush so loved.

It has just seven ingredients, with cocoa butter being at the top of the list.

It's scent is entirely subtle,

with slight hints of vanilla and toffee. 

Butterball won't wow your visual senses,

but in the most effective and yet unsexy way,

it does its job of leaving your skin hydrated, smoothed, and replenished.

Paired with the equally nondescript Milky Bath Bar,

this simple bath soothed and calmed my very over-stressed and very over-stimulated tired soul.

Sigh.

There was more than one thing about chaos to share, because I started with a one and should have a two on this list . . 

Ah yes, now I remember.

2) I am anticipating the pure chaos that will be tonight's Kitchen experience.

Claire and I will be up late/early furiously texting our moral support back and forth as we partake in the crazy quest to obtain Abomniballs.

We agreed to each buy one more than we otherwise would have,

so if one of us fails in the mission,

we may still be able to lay our grubby paws upon this beauty of a bomb.

I actually feel butterflies fluttering in the base of my tummy already just thinking about it.

And yeah, I know.

It's like wildly out-of-control levels of crazy addiction.

If You Need Me, I'll Be In The Kitchen

Oh not the kitchen for cooking or anything like that. 

I don't really do that anymore. 

I'm talking about the only kitchen that actually matters.

The Lush kitchen of course.

So this week is the menu with all of the crazy addicts of the world's favorite items. 

They had a whole ton of stuff available for voting and the items with the most votes ended up on the menu, as pictured above.

Claire is taking the night shift tonight to order us Fun with a Twist.

I skipped Error 404 because I've tried it,

and while it was lovely,

I need to pinch my pennies and save up for the stuff I simply cannot live without.

Tomorrow is Abombinaball,

a super rare bath ballistic that I simply must have!!!!

I'm passing on Twilight but am pretty sure I will set my alarm for Supernova.

So of course I felt that I should take a Supernova bath to test out the goods,

and determine if I do in fact need to wake up at 1:45 am to log in to the kitchen and stuff a bunch of these in my virtual shopping cart.

And the answer by the way is 100%-yes-I-need-to-buy-more.

The bomb was lovely, 

and since I bought it from my black market supplier,

I'm thinking a fresh ballistic might be even more out-of-this-world as far as scent and fizz and all that jazz.

Claire had told me that a friend of hers thought that Supernova's confetti was a bit slimy and weird,

but it didn't bother me at all.

Every now and then while losing myself in the beautiful pink water I felt a sliver of sprinkle tickle my leg,

almost like the tip of a feather in a remake of that scene from Forest Gump.

I found it playful and sneaky and sort of fun.

So yes, I will definitely be ordering more supernovas this week.

Exhibit A

Because clearly I don't order enough from the Kitchen as it is.

See Exhibit A. 

Say Yes. Always. Or at least to these 30 things.

I can't take credit for this list. I found it here.

Or rather LakeGirl found it there and then sent it to me.

But it made me happy. 

And the only thing better than being happy is sharing whatever made you happy with someone else. 

So here you go-

30 things you should always say yes to in this amazing life of ours.

1. Buying that book that’s been on your “to read” list for the last two years.

Has anyone else read this book?? It's so much wonderful I cannot begin to explain it... thoughtful, sad, inspiring, heart-warming. Make time to read this.

2. Meeting your best friend for some late-night drive-thru.

3. Going to a wedding even if you don’t know anyone else there.

4. Agreeing to happy hour with that coworker you don’t know very well.

5. Starting a healthier diet, even if you do it slowly with one small change at a time.

6. Seeing movies in theater once in a while.

7. Spending a relaxing night in when you know you really need it, even when your friends are pressuring you to go out.

8. Accepting the help an employee offers you in that store you’re unfamiliar with.

9. Taking a night away from technology to relax on the porch, eat a nice meal, start a good book, or do anything else that will give your eyes some time away from screens.

10. Sending hand-written cards to people you care about.

This is such a lost art . . . I want my daughter to be able to see my script someday and not just store old texts or emails I may have sent

11. Cleaning out your closet, and getting rid of all the needless clutter in your bedroom.

Cleaning anything and organizing brings me joy. Period. But if you label your cleaning and organizing and do it with friends, it adds some extra pizzazz to the task. LakeGirl and I used to partake in "Fashion Frolics," which meant we would sit around purging our closet. For fun.

12. Making time to catch up with your long distance best friend on Skype. Or better yet, splurging on a plane ticket to go visit them.

13. Taking a real lunch break in which you actually leave the office, sit down at a table, and give yourself 30 or 45 minutes of peace in which you’re doing zero work.

14. Indulging your parents by participating in cheesy family photos, even when you think you look terrible.

15. Taking an unplanned day off when you really need a break.

16. Baking homemade cookies every once in a while, instead of buying them at the store.

I need to work on this one . . . as I am guilty of "making" cookies last night with my daughter by removing the pre-made Pillsbury dough balls from the carton and plopping them on the baking sheet

17. Ordering pizza on a night when you really, really want pizza.

18. Taking a nap on a rainy afternoon.

19. Going to your friend’s art show or musical performance or marathon or any other cool thing that you can support them doing.

20. Going sledding after a heavy snowfall, regardless of how old you are.

21. Buying flowers on a whim at the grocery store.

22. Watching a lighthearted show when you need to be cheered up.

23. Going on a hike, even if you’re not sure that’s your “thing.”

24. Listening to a genre of music that you normally don’t listen to, because you never know what you might find.

25. Keeping an open mind about, and learning from, constructive criticism.

26. Trying that activity you’ve always wanted to try – cooking, playing guitar, gardening, blogging, calligraphy.

27. Accepting help when you know you need it, from friends or family or your coworker or a therapist or your significant other or anyone else in the world that you trust and that you know will do anything they can to help you.

28. Tasting a foreign cuisine or wine that you’ve never had before.

29. Wearing the comfortable shoes instead of the painful ones.

30. Adventure, whatever that means to you.