Hell's Kitchen

Let's just be clear right away.

Hell's Kitchen is not the neighborhood in New York,

or that cooking show with the mean British guy.

It's the *%$^&^$&* Lush UK Kitchen last week.

My blood pressure was so wildly off the charts because of it,

and I have just now finally come to terms with my experience and failure,

and am ready to talk about it.

So yeah.

Abombinaball is this crazy rare but magical Christmas bomb,

but it made a comeback in the wish list Kitchen menu last week.

I was so pumped and just knew I had to snag some of these guys.

The scent is described as peppermint, vanilla, and orange.

And to me, that sounds like some sort of heaven.

So Claire and I made a pact that we would both get up,

her at midnight (West Coast) and me at 2 am (Midwest) to log in to the kitchen,

and we would both dump a ton of these little yeti creatures into our cart.

That way, if one of us failed, we would both still end up with the goods.

So she got 5 in her cart right away!!

ME?!?! NOT SO MUCH.

Despite being logged on promptly at 2 am, all I got was an unavailable message.

Then the f'ing site went down,

I panicked.

I got back on but couldn't figure out how to refresh,

so I panicked again and started cursing out loud.

Claire meanwhile couldn't pay but still had them in her cart.

I don't know why I kept refreshing but after about 40 minutes it said I could add to my basket.

I was so caught off guard I just said add without even changing the quantity from one.

Claire had finally gotten to pay so at least 5 were secured.

My dumbass??

I stayed up until 4 am trying to get through to the payment screen,

and finally threw in the towel.

Seriously,

I know this sounds like an epic bag of crazy,

and it totally is,

but I was clinically depressed,

sweating,

physically exhausted,

and on the verge of tears.

In fact,

I was so dejected and disillusioned that I vowed I would never subject myself to the Kitchen again.

Until 48 hours later of course when I took the Kitchen shift to get me and Claire some Supernovas.

I feel like the Lush gods knew how heavy my heart and eyelids were from my last experience that they aligned the planets and fixed the universe so my Kitchen experience would make all things in the jacked up world of bath products right again.

I logged on at 2 am,

promptly put 6 Supernovas in my basket,

clicked to pay,

and got through to the payment screen on my first try.

I was in, out, and back to bed within 3 minutes.

I am pretty sure that never happens,

unless the Lush gods know you were seriously damn close to packing up all of your Lush stash,

stuffing a car to the brink with every bath bomb, shower gel, lotion tub, or dusting powder known to man,

driving off a cliff and into a lake,

and happily ready to go out after drowning in a literal sea of Lush.

And yes,

this may be a bit dramatic, 

since after all Claire got the goods and is willing to share with me,

but until you've been to the Kitchen and failed,

like in a giant flaming ball of fire failed,

you just can't know the pain.

This is also leading me to another thought...

Anyone out there a) a Lushie and b) a treating psychologist?

Because if so, I seriously think there is a needy population you could service and make bank off.

Like enough bank to retire.

Or buy more Lush.

Either way, seems like a good plan.

Sigh.

I guess I wasn't  quite as over it as I thought.

(can you hear Celine Dion singing? It's all coming back to me now...)

In other news . . .

I tried another new-to-me bomb.

The Immaculate Eggception.

Sources tell me this giant bomb was released in 2012 as a part of the Easter line.

Seriously- it's huge.

I was a bit worried it might smash a hole through the bottom of my tub once I plunked it in.

It supposedly has a third baby egg inside it,

but I never quite saw that. 

It did smell quite nice and was very moisturizing,

but I guess for such a beast of a bomb I expected a bit more.

My water was left a very pretty pink color,

and while it fizzed and frothed it shot out little bits of yellow foam.

But the show didn't last long,

and was overall underwhelming.

I guess you're also supposed to get a bunny or a chick inside the egg,

but my egg must has been defective as I got neither.

Perhaps because I bought it on the black market,

who knows.

This is one I am glad I tried,

but I wouldn't spend money on this again.